Communicating in a Relationship: When To Speak and When To ...

Most managers and senior board members get a lot of training in crisis communications, and when it comes to board meetings, PR disasters, and angry shareholders, they?re confident that they know how to manage a crisis.

Social relationships, however, are an entirely different matter.? The sort of skills that are required for effective business crisis communications aren?t the same as the skills that are needed for a normal relationship. You can?t plan for how people will feel in a long term relationship.

Sometimes Communication Means Saying Nothing

The most frequently cited advice given for communicating in a relationship is to talk things out, but talking isn?t always the best thing to do.? Yes, talking can be valuable, and if you never express your feelings, you can?t really blame your friend or your partner for not understanding how you feel.

However, sometimes the best form of communication is to say nothing; especially if your communication style is one that doesn?t mesh with the way the other person thinks.

One of my friends loves to complain about her problems at work.? Her boss is lazy, sexist, and always causing problems ? not just for her, but for the entire team.? I? used to suggest solutions to the problems, but that tended to lead to cries of ?It?s not as simple as that!?, which then devolved into arguments.? I?ve learned that my friend doesn?t want solutions, they just want someone to listen to them.? When they decide that the problem needs solved, they?ll solve it themselves.

So, sometimes when people are in a bad mood, silence is a good idea.? But what about when people are in a good mood? Well, how would you feel if you spent months working hard on a performance for a competition, and stepped off the podium with your trophy to be told ?Great job, but I noticed that your third turn was a little wonky, you might want to work on that for next time.?? What you?re saying may be factually correct, and it might be helpful, but you?d be ruining a happy moment to say it.? Save the performance evaluation until after the celebrations.

Relationships Aren?t About Winning

When times are tough, it?s easy to want to turn to business crisis communications skills, but you should try not to.? Don?t approach every argument as something that you should win, and don?t treat relationships as if they?re games.? Focus on working with your partner, or on building a sound friendship, and the rest will come naturally.

If you feel like you simply can?t communicate with one of your loved ones without it devolving into an argument, then stop talking for a while, listen to what they have to say, and don?t try to correct it or answer it.? Just acknowledge it for now.? Think about what they?ve said, and respond later. Your relationship isn?t a competitive business that will go down if you act and manage a crisis immediately, this is a long term relationship where it can sometimes pay to take your time and do things right.

Guest piece written for Insignia by Amy Fowler. Find out more about crisis communications and managing a crisis at?www.insigniacomms.com?or click here.

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