Reader Question:
After twenty years of being single, I have started seeing this lovely man. We have been seeing each other for over six months now, and it looks like it could be a good relationship. Unfortunately, I have been suffering from fear and insecurity big-time. He is still married but has been separated for three years. He keeps in touch with his wife. I realize it is me who needs to grow, but at times, I get very desperate. I try some meditation and inner-child therapy. If you have any suggestions, it would be very much appreciated.
Deepak?s Answer:
Twenty years is a long time, and although you didn?t say what your reasons were for staying single for so long, we can assume they must have been significant. That said, it makes sense that transitioning into a healthy relationship will take time and patience. Don?t rush into it or be too hard on yourself if getting closer to your partner brings up exaggerated or irrational feelings and responses out of proportion to the situation at hand. Your feelings are in reaction to your memories of the past, not the present reality. Take a deep breath and realize that the past must be let go in order to enjoy living in the present.
Ask your boyfriend to reassure you that the past is past and that now is now. Then tell him you are ready to let go of more of the past pain and ready to embrace the love that is present now. Be patient with the process and you will gradually see the insecurities fade away.
Reader Question:
I really need human love. I?ve been on a spiritual path for many years, and I have kept asking God to give me a spiritual mate. At the beginning of my journey, I was so confident of success that I went on a pilgrimage in India after major leg surgery, and I even bought a wedding sari there. Aren?t these two things a sign of faith and devotion? Many people I know have told me to love myself, yet they do not and still have a mate. My mother has been very abusive and has refused me since I was a young child, as I have a small handicap. I have been desperately looking for somebody to love me. I have had many boyfriends, but it didn?t work with anybody. I have gone through many years of therapy.
Deepak?s Answer:
Think what it is you are really asking. You say that you are desperately looking for someone to love you because you need human love. You had boyfriends, but it didn?t ?work.? You don?t want to love yourself because you don?t think other couples had to do that in order for them to find love. You don?t want to look for love by finding God?s love within your own heart because you demonstrated your faith through pilgrimage and the sari and you still couldn?t feel God.
I think what you are missing is that when you find love with another human, you are actually finding the love within you. That love is what you are, that is how you love yourself, and that is your connection to God. If you live your life according to the story that love is only ?out there? waiting to find you and fill you with what you are missing, then you will forever feel empty and dissatisfied. You are, in effect, insisting that your life remain loveless, because you refuse to accept and be the love that you are. You may say that all those who have partners didn?t have to live up to these high standards of spiritual love for them to be with someone who loves and cares for them, therefore, why should you? My only answer to that is that you can?t fully know what kind of love another is experiencing, all you can know is what you are experiencing and whether you are doing all you can to live your love and truth to the fullest. To do that, you have to change your orientation from feeling bad about what you believe you lack and begin to affirm and claim that which you are: namely, love, joy, wisdom, and peace.
Source: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22064/134513-deepak-chopra-answers-love-relationship
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