Incivility reflects larger changes | PennLive.com

BY DAVID SALTER
For The Patriot-News

In the run-up to March Madness, two septuagenarians in Kentucky showed how mad they really were.

In a dialysis center before Louisville tipped off against the Wildcats in the Final Four, one man was receiving his dialysis treatment while the other waited his turn. One wore Louisville apparel, while the other donned the blue and white of the Wildcats. Rather than partaking in a good-natured discussion about the upcoming contest, one fan gave the other a one-finger salute, to which the other responded with a right cross to the jaw. Law enforcement was summoned, and both faced a date with a local judge.

In June, Martin Treblay, a youth hockey coach in Vancouver, is alleged to have intentionally tripped the goalie of the opposing team following the gold medal game in the spring tournament. This occurred in the handshake line after a U-13 game. The goalie sprawled to the ice and wiped out a teammate.

One of the boys came up with a broken wrist, and Tremblay is under investigation for assault. Tremblay was the coach of the winning team.

This isn't a dissertation on the zany antics of crazy coaches or pushy parents. It wasn't long ago that when we knocked down our opponent, we offered him or her a hand up off of the turf or the court. It also wasn't that long ago that two fans of opposing teams could sit next to one another in a sports bar and not come to blows over what transpired on a television screen.

Even when our sports world seemed a little bit testy, we could count on the Olympics to restore perspective.

Nowadays, however, youth league referees sometimes run for their cars after officiating a fourth-grade basketball game; high school athletes intentionally attempt to injure opponents and professional athletes step over their rivals in a taunting gesture.

With high school sports teams set to begin practice Monday and the NFL preseason under way, it seems pertinent to ponder the following: What in the name of Peyton Manning is going on?

Civility can be defined as showing respect for others. That might be simplistic, but for the sake of the argument, it's as good a place to start as any. How did we start losing our civility in the sporting arena, why does it seem to be disappearing and can we recapture something that we seem to be losing at a rapid rate?

"If I had to tip the scale, it's the nature of society bleeding into sports," said Lou Manza, a professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College. "Sports have always been there throughout our lifetimes. The games haven't changed. But I think society has changed and how we interact with one another has changed."

There is some agreement with Dr. Manza's perspective.

"Sport is a microcosm of society," said John Brubaker. Brubaker is a Mechanicsburg native who is a performance consultant, speaker and author. "The reduced civility we see in all levels of sport is a reflection of our culture. Economic pressures have caused many in society to place a higher value on results than on the integrity of the process to achieve those results."

BEHAVIOR BEGINS EARLY

We used to persuade our kids to get involved in athletics to learn some of those life lessons that don't come from textbooks: teamwork, overcoming adversity, working to improve, respecting authority and responding appropriately when things don't go the way you had hoped they would.

At a time when children are supposed to be having fun, they have structured activity that is organized by adults who might or might not have the appropriate training and temperament to coach and run an organization. Most youth league coaches and youth league administrators are volunteers. They bring their experience as a player, but they also bring with them their friendships with other parents, pressures of the community, and, sometimes, their desire for fame.

"It's a misconception that sports builds character," said John Mayer, a clinical psychologist and the executive director of the new Center for Ethical Youth Coaching.

"You have kids so focused on winning that it's winning at all costs, so the hell with the other kids on the team.

"It used to be that sports were about teaching kids. It was part of their learning and socialization and recreation. Now, you've got to be the best that you can be."

Mayer's organization has done two things to attempt to create a more positive youth sports experience. It has developed a manual that's centered on directing coaches how to get all of the kids on their teams involved in the game without sacrificing success, and having the adults adhere to a code of ethical behavior. The second project is a certification process for youth coaches.

But it's not fair to place all of the responsibility on youth coaches. Mom and Dad have an equal, if not greater, responsibility, to foster the appropriate conduct in their young athletes.

"How to be a good sport, winning and losing with graciousness, are not innate skills," psychologist Frank Sileo said. "It has to be taught. We focus on the sore loser a lot, but we don't focus on being a sore winner, bragging and taunting someone."

Sileo has a new book coming out called "Sally Sore Loser," and the premise of the book not only is to teach kids to recognize sore losing but how to be a good winner. There also is a large section for parents instructing them on how to foster sportsmanship in their children.

"If a parent is driving his child home from a game and the adult talks critically about other players on the team, teasing or mocking other kids, why shouldn't the kid follow suit?"

FOLLOW THE MONEY

Money has taken a big bite out of sports at every level. Parents absorb ridiculous costs for equipment, some AAU basketball coaches actually get paid a salary, and the cost of attendance at a college or university has outpaced reasonable rates in almost any other business.

"There's pressure from parents. If you're going to get a Division I scholarship, parents know what they're worth," said Cory Bank, a sports psychologist with a practice outside of Philadelphia. He teaches at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine.

"You can save $200,000 over four years. That's a huge incentive financially."

"Where there's a problem, follow the money," Brubaker said. "The risk that people are willing to take because the stakes have gotten higher and higher and higher, people are willing to mortgage their souls, violate ethical codes and do unscrupulous things."

WHY NOT ROLE MODELS?

Former NBA player Charles Barkley once said that professional athletes are not role models. People can debate until next year whether he's correct. But there is some substance to the argument that, in general, people often emulate individuals in their chosen professions. So if a college athlete sees his NFL idol behaving badly, there's a reasonable expectation that he sees that behavior as acceptable and will duplicate it in his arena. "When you are in the public eye, the way you act is going to rub off on people," Manza said. "Whether or not you want to be, you are a role model."

Carla Lundblade is a licensed therapist in Beverly Hills, Calif., and an elite skills coach who specializes in sports and celebrity psychology.

"When you are on a world stage, there are certain things to overcome as an athlete to succeed," Lund blade said. "The reason you are on a world stage is that many are watching you, so no matter what you do, it's going to affect people.

"It's sports entertainment, now, before and after the game," she continued. "That's a big part of the story. There's a certain amount of banter to generate excitement and media, and that's normal. It starts with the athlete, though, which will trickle down to how the fans participate in sports as well. When athletes do things well, they can create positive change."

Oftentimes when circumstances begin a downward spiral, it's difficult to reverse the negative momentum. Tides and currents change directions. Storms blow through, and the sun comes back out.

"I don't know if you're going to go back to the way it was," Bank said. "You act locally because very few of us are going to do it on a global level. As a parent in a community, set that code of conduct, preach it and reinforce it. We can do it locally. I don't know if you're going to get it back on a national level."

SEVEN STEPS I'D LIKE TO SEE

1 Mandatory certification for youth and high school coaches

2 Stop giving everyone a trophy just for showing up

3 Eliminate athletic scholarships

4 Leaders enforce rules for bad behavior

5 Hold general managers, athletic directors and coaches accountable for behavior of players

6 Provide educational programs for athletes on how to handle success and failure, the importance of sportsmanship and civility, and how to conduct themselves in public

7 Reward persistent good sportsmanship

Source: http://blog.pennlive.com/patriotnewssports/2012/08/incivility_reflects_larger_cha.html

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